Want a happier marriage? Find out 6 easy ways to learn about your husband, and how they can help your marriage grow! Includes free “Plan A Date” worksheet.
“Ahhhh! I really hate doing this,” my husband groaned loudly one night after dinner.
“You hate unloading the dishwasher?” I asked, surprised to turn and see him standing over the steaming dishes.
“I HATE it SO much!” he asserted. This was a total shock to me, and I was amazed that I didn’t know this after almost 10 years of marriage.
Back before we got married, we sat down and discussed household chores and the various tasks we both wanted or didn’t want to do (we both hate ironing, for example).
After having kids and at our different duty stations, those tasks adjusted, grew, and changed. But somehow through all that, the topic of his aversion to unloading the dishwasher never came up until that fateful night.
It’s never too late to learn about your husband. In fact, I created a free “Plan A Date” Worksheet to help you get more time to do just that. It’s a simple 3-step tool for planning a fun at-home date night for just the two of you. You can get it here:
Discovering new things about your spouse is part of what keeps a marriage exciting. When I stay in tune with what’s going on with Hubby, what he likes and dislikes, I can adjust and adapt. When I pay attention and adapt to his preferences, it makes him feel loved and keeps our relationship in sync.
And I feel loved when he does that for me.
So here are 6 fabulous ways to figure out what your spouse likes and dislikes, and adjust to that so you can both be happier together!
6 Ways To Learn More About Your Husband:
1- Pay attention to what he says, because as mentioned above, things like “I hate unloading the dishwasher” can come up at the most random times.
2- Ask questions. Here’s a list of really good convo starters to help you get going.
3- Play A Game. We play a game or two of Yahtzee on an app while we’re waiting somewhere or even out to dinner. Our competitive spirits come out and sometimes I learn more about him that way.
Or it will spark a random conversation, which is another fun way to discover some new quirk or tidbit about him.
In fact, just two days ago I was asking him “would you rather” questions and I discovered that he is fascinated with remote places, and that the place he wants to visit above all others on earth is Antarctica. Never would have known that.
4- Reconnect and Give Each Other Your Attention when one of you gets home. There’s nothing like giving your spouse attention after being apart and getting the first impression of his day. You can learn a lot from those first words and expressions.
5- Don’t Veg On Your Phone when riding in the car together. As an introvert, I’m guilty of this. I tend to pull out my phone when he’s driving, because when the kids are strapped to their seats, it’s like, “finally, a quiet moment to myself!”
But I’m learning to hold off and interact with him instead. Because even though quiet moments to myself are rare, I also don’t get a lot of still moments with Hubby, so I want to take advantage of those.
6- Have An Argument? Sounds strange, but in another post, I talk about the pros and cons of arguing in front of the kids. You don’t want to degrade your spouse ever, but espcially not in front of the kids. However, you learn a lot about your hubby through disagreeing and discovering what he really thinks. It may not line up with your own thoughts, but it’s healthy to talk that out and try to learn more about him.
BONUS #7- Plan a Date Night. You can go out to a nice dinner or just do something simple at home. Both can be fun and also provide time to get to know more about each other. To quickly and easily plan some together-time at home, grab my free “Plan A Date” Worksheet here:
What Do You Do With What You Learn?
When you do learn something new about your spouse, it’s time to make an adjustment if necessary.
The night I learned hubby hated unloading the dishwasher, we started a new routine, completely out of the blue.
I told him I’d happily unload the dishwasher the majority of the time. After thinking it through, I realized that I don’t love hand-washing the larger dishes, so I asked if he would be willing to tackle that task. He happily agreed, and off we went into our next decade with a new dishwashing set-up.
It’s become a really fun thing, because I know that when I unload it, I’m actually showing love to him because of how much he hates it. And it makes me chuckle how much he hates it, because I actually like doing it.
On the odd days he does do it, like when I just can’t get to it because one of the kids is melting down over the fork they have to use for dinner, I know he’s showing love to me as well.
He jokes, “Now you know I really love you,” as he cracks open the door to unload it.
The recipe for a happy marriage truly is serving each other and a bit of give and take.
Make An Adjustment When You Learn About Your Husband
So after asking questions and paying attention, when you discover something your husband really hates doing, try to find a way to adjust.
What can you do differently for him? Is there anything he can take on instead to take something off your plate in return?
Doing an act of love for your spouse doesn’t need to have a return every time. But it is nice, since we’re in this together, to have an arrangement that works for everyone.
Need help making time with your spouse and getting the chance to learn more about him? Grab my free “Plan A Date” Worksheet. You’ll get fun at-home date ideas and fill-in-the-blank steps to get you from “no plans” to “a fun date on the calendar” in minutes!