I was disappointed when I realized my husband hadn’t done a thing for my birthday (turning 40). Here’s my story of unmet expectations + what really happened.
This week I’m kind of in shock.
The other day on my birthday, I turned… the big 4-0. Yep, I’m officially over the hill.
The whole birthday was a huge shock to me, but amazingly, it wasn’t at all about my age. I’m pretty ok with being 40. In fact, for the past few months I’ve been rounding up and saying, “I’m basically 40.” I don’t know why, and it seems really dumb. But I have been.
I’m totally ok with being this age. I love my life, I love my family and friends. I’m so pumped to be in a season that I can spend more time blogging and hopefully inspiring other women. Things are going really well.
What Went Wrong
The shock was that my husband did not handle my birthday the way I expected. I’ll be honest, I wanted a little bit of attention. I wanted him to put some thought into it, to plan ahead, to maybe spoil me a bit.
But we had a conversation the Thursday before the big day, in which I basically realized that he had done nothing. I had even made my own dinner reservation for our family to go out on my birthday.
I was hurt.
And disappointed, especially because since he’s in the military, he’s missed a few of my birthdays or had to work the entire day. This year he was HOME, and it was on a Saturday, for crying out loud!
Processing With God
So, I had to really process this with God. I had to put my feelings in His hands and my expectations at His feet. I had to die to myself a bit and realize that even on a birthday, God calls us to not seek our own self-focused desires. (And in all that, I do realize that it’s totally ok to want to feel special and loved on your birthday!)
After processing everything, I really did have a ton of fun on my birthday weekend.
- Friday I got to spend time with my brother and sister in law and friends.
- Saturday I started off the day with breakfast in bed from the kids and my hubs (ok he did show me some love!), on to my kiddos’ swim lessons
- Then I got to go shopping with my mom and bffs AND go out to dinner with the family.
It turned out to be awesome!
The “Low-Key” After Party
After the family dinner we had arranged a sitter so we could go hang at a local wine bar, just to chill a bit. I was SO full from dinner and would have been totally content to go home and chill on the couch, but I figured it’s my birthday so why not enjoy going out.
And you guys.
When we got to the wine bar, we walked in and…
my husband had planned a SURPRISE PARTY for me!
I was SO blown away. I totally cried. He had been planning it for over six months. And I totally fell for him downplaying my birthday. (He did say he felt terrible when he realized I thought he had planned absolutely nothing for my birthday.)
My husband did not handle my birthday the way I expected. He blew me out of the water with his planning, his sneakiness, his getting my friends to help him out.
I felt SO loved, so cherished. Not to mention my friends and family who took the time to come celebrate me. I really can’t get over how awesome it was.
Our Expectations Aren’t Always Accurate
The main thing I want to communicate to you today is that you just never know what is going on behind the scenes. Our expectations can lead us astray into negative thinking and feeling like no one cares when those expectations aren’t met.
I experienced my expectations being both (seemingly) unmet and being surpassed.
Even when I was disappointed, turning to the Lord with my feelings helped me get back to a place of peace and joy– to where I sincerely loved my birthday even before I found out about the surprise party.
And I see my husband in a different light now, as this is the first time he has pulled off a surprise.
The effort he took to do it was so incredible. I already thought he was amazing but my love and appreciation for him really sky-rocketed this weekend.
Whenever you feel disappointed or don’t understand what is going on.I encourage you to take your feelings and expectations to the Lord. He is truly so faithful to meet us where we’re at, in the sticky mess of it all.
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