I’ve been away from the blog and social media for a bit, so I wanted to jump on and update you on what’s going on with me.
The Fall Transition In A Weird Year
We’ve gone through a big transition with Fall’s arrival, as I’m sure many of you have as well. We are super thankful and blessed to have our oldest in a private school that is still operating in-person this year.
Our middle daughter also has 2x per week preschool, which is fun for her, while our youngest is home with me and Hubby.
My husband Adam has his regular job with the Navy, plus has just started his second year of grad school to get his MBA. After the summer off from school, it’s a big change to his time schedule and work load.
He’s still working from home and is around but he can’t help out as much with the kids as he was over the summer
The Blog Is Taking A Back Seat For A Bit
All of these changes brought with them a lot more time in the car as well as a lot less time to work on my blog.
Over the summer, Adam had a light schedule and could regularly take the kids while I worked for a couple hours. Now with that option gone, and the local gym childcare closed, I don’t have the free window of time I once had to put towards the blog.
Being type A, I always have a long to-do list of things I want to accomplish. That list includes the blog but also encompasses home chores, projects, activities with the kids, and volunteering in the community and at church.
Just writing that sentence makes it feel like a lot of stuff!
As you can see, usually my list is a bit long and beyond my capability to reasonably accomplish it. I tend to overextend myself and then feel like I have too much going on.
Seeking God’s Wisdom
I want to use my gifts but I sometimes have a hard time judging where my limitations are.
This fall I was praying and asking God what He wanted my purpose for the fall to be, and what He wanted me to pursue. I immediately sensed the word “Rest” and it has been a theme that keeps coming up with me.
I resisted it, because with Rest, how can I get all my stuff done?!?
This Bible passage in Matthew 11:28-30 came to mind:
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
The month prior, I’d been asking God what it means that his burden is “light” and his yoke is “easy.” Because life rarely seems light or easy. And what I realized is that when Jesus said he has an easy yoke, it was built on being at rest.
Not doing nothing, but internal rest.
And I really want more of that. I need more rest and peace inside.
In general I have peace. I have peace with God and I know I have salvation. I have daily hope in knowing Him more and more.
But I noticed that my days haven’t been oriented around things that are more important to me. I’ve been pursuing things that don’t offer rest, and I’ve been lacking that peace because I’m constantly striving to accomplish my personal goals and check things off my list.
But those things aren’t often the most important things.
- when I get overwhelmed with the mess in the house and can’t stop doing dishes to read to one of the kids for even 5 minutes.
- Or when I want to finish a blog post and the kids’ screen time keeps getting extended.
- Or when I go from task to task without taking care of myself with healthy food or rest…
- and then when I do sit down I can’t relax because I feel like I need to be doing something else.
I also have seen that when I reach my limits, I still press on, even though it can leave me irritable with those I love. I get over-tired, worn out, and yet am still left with that feeling that I’m not getting enough done.
My Sort-Of Mid-Life Crisis
So I’m having a bit of a gut check. I’ve been telling people it’s my sort-of mid-life crisis. As in, it’s sort of a crisis but not that bad. Because I actually am 40, so I think that counts as squarely “mid-life.”
Regardless, my gut check has consisted of asking myself questions like this:
- Am I spending my time on what’s important?
- Am I building into my children the things they need to know and experience?
- Or am I wasting that time with them by pursuing my own ventures while they play on their own and watch shows?
- Why do I do the things I do each day? Is it to earn some sort of favor with God, to feel good about myself or just because it’s what I’ve always done? Or is it because it’s what I truly feel is meaningful and life-giving to myself and others?
- What needs to go and what do I need more of? (for example, less social media & TV and more Bible reading & prayer & intentional family time)
The challenge is it’s so hard to go from pondering these ideas to actually doing something different.
“Old habits die hard.” Or, old habits are like that cowlick in my hair that no matter how much I wet it down, comb it out or dry it flat, it just keeps parting where I don’t want it to. It just. won’t. quit.
That said, I’m really trying to investigate what rest is and what that looks like for me.
Sadly (and also thankfully) it doesn’t mean laying on the couch all day and doing nothing. But it does mean sitting down to read a book more often (I’m into my third book already!) and not being in such a hurry all the time.
It means spending more intentional time with my kids while they’re young.
I really only have a couple years left before they’re all in school for at least half of the day. And the last thing I want is to get that moment and think, “Oh no, I wish I’d made more of that time!”
When I think of it that way, I know working on the blog can wait as long as I need it to.
Being Reactive And Proactive
So I suppose this is both reactive and proactive. I’m reacting against what I feel is missing, and trying to be proactive to make changes for the better.
I have a feeling that processing this will take some time. How much time, I’m not sure. But I want to give it the proper attention.
I want to make lasting life-style changes, not just token tweaks to my crazy schedule.
During this time, I”ll be focusing on:
- slowing down
- evaluating my daily choices
- making goals for how to incorporate the activities I want to prioritize (what else would you expect from a Type A like me?)
- spending more time with Jesus, not because I “should” or “have to” but because being with Him is so life-giving.
I’m hoping to pop on here and keep you posted on it. But my posts will likely be more like this one– less professional, less photos, more spur-of-the-moment thoughts.
If you feel led to join me in a season of rest, I’d love to hear about it! Feel free to comment below and let me know.
Hope you have a great week!